Femme

I came out in the era of androgyny. The left over flavor of the 70's style feminism had infused the community with self hate, assimilation and shame. Lesbians in Philadelphia were lost in their need to be and not be seen. A queer community didn't exist, and most connections happened around a cocktail at the local dyke bar. Edges were rounded, politics were side swiped and so many had fallen into the arms of complacency. Butch was not a word uttered by anyone to describe themselves let alone claim it as an identity. Femme was not a word I ever heard and anyone manifesting outwardly femininity was called a Lipstick Lesbian. I was confused, bewildered and lost in a land of no words to describe, not only my attractions but my own identity. Several years will pass before I grow into my gender. I now utter HER name over and over again until she grows into a power of atomic magnitude that vibrates so powerfully that she's felt for millions of miles.

I am a Femme, A High Femme, A Power Femme. Unadulterated, unyielding, unwavering, unashamed, unabashed, unrelenting, Femme!

In the presence of heros

At the edge of cliffs

I sit with dangling feet

Wanting to jump into the abyss

I feel the wind lift my hair

and gently I lean to hear the sound

It calls to me softly

The pounding waves

Crash at my soul

I know that there are words

That I can claim my vision

I close my eyes tight

And leap into the air

To land amongst the fallen

I glide gently

And to my astonishment

I land softly

In the presence of Heros

Happy Earth Day

The Journey

There was a road
It touched the earth
A rougher journey
But smooth at birth

Delicately curving
The landscape learned
A jagged fern
Silk tether burned

It calls a cry
No place to turn
It rumbles through
The tainted yearn

I walk for miles
Through darkened alley
Inside the rocks
Of ancient valley

Drive through the great
Divided land
Bring sorrow to
A final end

Unbound

When I named my blog, Desire Unbound, there was so much emphasis in my life on moving away from co-dependency and dysfunction in what was and IS the most important and truest love I've ever known. Lessons, as many as grains of sand on the beach were flying through my conscious at lightning speed that at times I couldn't catch them and place them in my box of "life". They would hit me at any moment, in the shower, driving to work, making school lunch, etc.

I learned that love can't be caged in, that people project their biggest fears onto you in time of stress, that the power of love is so strong that it can endure anything, I learned that how you say things - tone, words, are so powerful that they can melt a person or scar them for life, I learned that I can and will survive anything and I'll do it with patience, caring, class and determination. I learned that I can't control what other's think about me and that it really only matters what I think of myself. I learned to never define myself by other's views and that in truth I am an amazing person, with value, strength, creativity and endurance. But, alas, this is just a miniscule amount of all the lessons I've learned this past year and 1/2.

So while I have needed to ensure that I am UNBOUND - It took me quite some time to unravel the bindings that I allowed myself to be in.

Side note: Desire has a fierce fetish to be physically bound ;-)

A moment

There is a moment
When the fog clears and the blue envelopes

There is a moment
When the sun warms again and the air is thick with knowing

There is a moment
When the hunger is no longer nagging
And the years wash over you in constant waves of haunting memories

There is a moment
When peace settles into your bones
And the ache of the catastrophies dull into the distance

There is a moment
When you learn that all the shattered pieces have merged
And the vessel is the life that you have built

There is a moment
And that moment is now

DV/hpr 7/16/2009

My inner bitch

I have always rejected this word - deeming myself too nice, too sweet, too caring to be a bitch. Recently I learned that being a bitch has empowered me. This persona has come out in time of need for self protection. My inner bitch has taught me that I am strong, powerful, self assure, self claiming of my needs and desires. I am a bitch sometimes, but i own it and therefore keep her under close watch.

Bitch

Accuse me of the crime
Ascribe me the time

Attack me with words
Your carp’s for the birds

You bemoan and bewail
I denounce this whole tale

I defy your definition
I reject your description

Deplorable, your accusation
I condemn your assertion

Matters not your fuss
There isn’t a plus

I have grieved my transgressions
I forgave my infractions

Your gripe is objection
Impute the direction

You can whimper and wallow
It just shows your sorrow

If my bitching offends
I throw up my hands

I remain as I stand
Willow on land