A question of + thoughts

When a friend comes to you with a problem, do you see the bright side of things or do you advise them of all the possible trauma, fatalities and negative scenarios?

How do you see the world - glass 1/2 full or glass 1/2 empty?

I recently watched some very negative energy circle a person I love. I'm not sure why I'm surprised, but I still am that so many people still are so afraid of taking a chance, refusing to allow themselves to experience connections, love and compassion. So many are still so embedded in negative thought patterns.

So that lead me to think about how do we keep ourselves thinking positively and the effects of such type of thought on our life journey and outcome of events.

Positive thinking promotes growth, expansion and success. A positive mind anticipates happiness, joy, health and a successful outcome of every situation and action. Positive and negative thinking are both contagious. All of us affect, in one way or another, the people we meet. This happens instinctively and on a subconscious level, through thoughts and feelings transference, and through body language. People sense our aura and are affected by our thoughts, and vice versa. Is it any wonder that we want to be around positive people and avoid negative ones? People are more disposed to help us if we are positive, and they dislike and avoid anyone broadcasting negativity.

Negative thoughts, words and attitude bring up negative and unhappy moods and actions. When the mind is negative, poisons are released into the blood, which cause more unhappiness and negativity. This is the way to failure, frustration and disappointment.

So at least for myself, I know that all I can do to make myself and my surroundings be positive, is just keep on thinking positively.

Enjoy and be +

Femme

I came out in the era of androgyny. The left over flavor of the 70's style feminism had infused the community with self hate, assimilation and shame. Lesbians in Philadelphia were lost in their need to be and not be seen. A queer community didn't exist, and most connections happened around a cocktail at the local dyke bar. Edges were rounded, politics were side swiped and so many had fallen into the arms of complacency. Butch was not a word uttered by anyone to describe themselves let alone claim it as an identity. Femme was not a word I ever heard and anyone manifesting outwardly femininity was called a Lipstick Lesbian. I was confused, bewildered and lost in a land of no words to describe, not only my attractions but my own identity. Several years will pass before I grow into my gender. I now utter HER name over and over again until she grows into a power of atomic magnitude that vibrates so powerfully that she's felt for millions of miles.

I am a Femme, A High Femme, A Power Femme. Unadulterated, unyielding, unwavering, unashamed, unabashed, unrelenting, Femme!

In the presence of heros

At the edge of cliffs

I sit with dangling feet

Wanting to jump into the abyss

I feel the wind lift my hair

and gently I lean to hear the sound

It calls to me softly

The pounding waves

Crash at my soul

I know that there are words

That I can claim my vision

I close my eyes tight

And leap into the air

To land amongst the fallen

I glide gently

And to my astonishment

I land softly

In the presence of Heros

Happy Earth Day

The Journey

There was a road
It touched the earth
A rougher journey
But smooth at birth

Delicately curving
The landscape learned
A jagged fern
Silk tether burned

It calls a cry
No place to turn
It rumbles through
The tainted yearn

I walk for miles
Through darkened alley
Inside the rocks
Of ancient valley

Drive through the great
Divided land
Bring sorrow to
A final end

Unbound

When I named my blog, Desire Unbound, there was so much emphasis in my life on moving away from co-dependency and dysfunction in what was and IS the most important and truest love I've ever known. Lessons, as many as grains of sand on the beach were flying through my conscious at lightning speed that at times I couldn't catch them and place them in my box of "life". They would hit me at any moment, in the shower, driving to work, making school lunch, etc.

I learned that love can't be caged in, that people project their biggest fears onto you in time of stress, that the power of love is so strong that it can endure anything, I learned that how you say things - tone, words, are so powerful that they can melt a person or scar them for life, I learned that I can and will survive anything and I'll do it with patience, caring, class and determination. I learned that I can't control what other's think about me and that it really only matters what I think of myself. I learned to never define myself by other's views and that in truth I am an amazing person, with value, strength, creativity and endurance. But, alas, this is just a miniscule amount of all the lessons I've learned this past year and 1/2.

So while I have needed to ensure that I am UNBOUND - It took me quite some time to unravel the bindings that I allowed myself to be in.

Side note: Desire has a fierce fetish to be physically bound ;-)

A moment

There is a moment
When the fog clears and the blue envelopes

There is a moment
When the sun warms again and the air is thick with knowing

There is a moment
When the hunger is no longer nagging
And the years wash over you in constant waves of haunting memories

There is a moment
When peace settles into your bones
And the ache of the catastrophies dull into the distance

There is a moment
When you learn that all the shattered pieces have merged
And the vessel is the life that you have built

There is a moment
And that moment is now

DV/hpr 7/16/2009

My inner bitch

I have always rejected this word - deeming myself too nice, too sweet, too caring to be a bitch. Recently I learned that being a bitch has empowered me. This persona has come out in time of need for self protection. My inner bitch has taught me that I am strong, powerful, self assure, self claiming of my needs and desires. I am a bitch sometimes, but i own it and therefore keep her under close watch.

Bitch

Accuse me of the crime
Ascribe me the time

Attack me with words
Your carp’s for the birds

You bemoan and bewail
I denounce this whole tale

I defy your definition
I reject your description

Deplorable, your accusation
I condemn your assertion

Matters not your fuss
There isn’t a plus

I have grieved my transgressions
I forgave my infractions

Your gripe is objection
Impute the direction

You can whimper and wallow
It just shows your sorrow

If my bitching offends
I throw up my hands

I remain as I stand
Willow on land

Melancholy

Melancholy…
the wind whispers
it's song penetrate my veins
licks at my hair
blinding my way

I lost my stand
On hollow ground
Harvest cant grow
My crop has failed
I turn the earth
To salvage my prayer

In times of turmoil
I sing to thee
There never was a place for me
The cracks beneath my feat
I drench with tears
Begging the rain
To fall with ease

My failed attempts
My comfort has vanished
Pierced your skin
and bound your heart
Perfection in pride
My anger releases
I travel to learn

The Answer's forgiven
To my self I lie
I must carry the burden
The truth I'm not ready
Today my mind is lightning
My heart is filled with thunder
The storm is foreboding
I carry my hunger

Beaten
defeated
I bow my head
Cris cross my core

I long to secure
My castle's walls
Free from silence
Is my final plea

A field of wild flowers

Recently I have had the misfortune to ban a facebook friend and member of my Femme In-visibility group for her very hateful posts against the transgendered community. This friend, who is a brilliant writer and painter of prose, is very much anti-transitioning as she feels it is born of misogyny and patriarchal values. I am writing this post to state my strong disagree with her views, and feel that her rhetoric is born of self- loathing. She claims that Butches must reach down and get in touch with the feminist inside which will enable them to not seek transitioning as an option or tool for coping with society's imposed hatred of women.

First I would like to address that IF (and that’s a very strong if) there is any basis in her claim that feminism is the answer to this “issue” (her words), how do you explain the systematic attacks and intended breakdown of self esteem of the butch and femme community by the very powerful and vocal Feminist community of the 1970s? Today’s Butches and Femmes continue to struggle to be seen and heard, to be counted and respected for our deep and strong historical roots. If you search Lesbian History from the very beginning, you will not find one picture or one document that shows a non Butch/Femme couple.

If one actually studies gender dysphoria and gender transition, it is clear that this is a medical issue that has to do with brains placed in mismatched bodies. It has nothing to do with women hating themselves. It has to do with men and women who want to live in bodies that fit. It's not about feminism, politics, or women-hating. It is impossible to place a political explanation onto a medical condition that for some is a matter of life or death and can finally be resolved, thanks to modern medicine and a more accepting and understanding world.

To continue addressing her argument, that lesbian butches need to embrace feminism and love themselves...

How do we discount our roots and history and still want to say we are feminists? Traditional feminism has wanted no part of butch-femme or our love. How do we claim that we are part of a thought process that has pushed us to the sidelines and has created so much self-hate and disconnection that many butches and femmes for years would not have even uttered the term butch/femme? The same analysis that she applies to condemn FTM's for surgically altering themselves in response to society's misogyny was used by 1970's Feminists to condemn lesbian Butches. I wonder if our loathing, our pain and suffering would have and could still be alleviated with simple acceptance…

………acceptance that we are a colorful Crayola box, a field of wild flowers that blanket the earth infusing it with an array of fragrances and visual delight. I don’t want every person to be like me, I want diversity because it is beautiful and magnificent. In an effort to find our place of belonging in this world, we so often isolate and push out those that are not exactly like us and that, in my view is the heart of it all.