"Tits Out"

8 years ago we were at Giovanni's room browsing the dyke book section for some new reads, me in the erotica section and E in, well, every section. E finds Erika Lopez's "Hoochie Mamma: the other white meat". She proceeds to inhale the book in record time. She is now in search of the other books. Other books "Flaming Iguanas" and "They call me mad dog" are found and and enjoyed as much if not more.

Anyway, long story short and Erika leaves her publishing company to pursue publishing books on her own under her label "Monster Girl Media" and it is another 9 years until another book is published. Being a knowledge getter - E continues to search and google Erika for all those years and when she finds the new book orders it immediately. We are beyond ecstatic when the book arrives as Erika personally autographs it. Long and short of it, we read on her web site that she's coming to Borders in Philly and we obtain babysitting and plan to be there - by hook or by crook.

Fast forward a month by which we are now following Erika on twitter and of course friended her on Facebook. Last night E checks out twitter and sees a tweet by Erika that states "WE'RE CANCELING PHILADELPHIA. no one's done any press or promotion, and we can't afford to show up because i wanna see old friends." Needless to say E is hugely disappointed!! I say, tweet her and tell her that I will do what I can to promote for her if she reconsiders. Erika ANSWERS - can you fucking believe it? So we are on!!! we booked a venue and started promoting - We are hosting Erika Lopez in Philly on November 5 @ the William Way Center.....UN-FUCKING- BELIEVABLE!

So here's a bit about the show and Erika Lopez - You will not want to miss this!!!

The one and only Erika Lopez is gracing her home town of Philly with her solo show "The welfare Queen" to promote her amazing new book "The girl must die". William Way Community Center 1312 Spruce Street Philadelphia PA Time: 7:00 PM to 9:00 PM Tickets: $15.00 at door *No one turned away fro lack of funds - It's a Welfare Show! *The girl must die* is the prettiest book Erika Lopez has ever made. Its existence is a metaphor for coming out of hell clutching a handful of flowers. A sweet little brick of a book that will bludgeon you with joy, the first printing will have a special edition color cover that will protect it from getting any joyous blood or hair on the pages. The Girl Must Die is a darkly comic love letter, scribbled to all those who have experienced the hilarious hijinks of hitting the skids and discovering they’re old and irrelevant, yet managed to fight off the Black Dogs and claw their way out of The Abyss to kick the world in the crotch—in order to blow it a kiss. Erika Lopez wrote books like Flaming Iguanas for Simon & Schuster before she hit the skids and ended up on welfare. Some say it’s because she’s mean. Some say it’s because she’s loud. Some say it’s because she told people to get her books at the library. Regardless, she’s back and taking her rightful place at the head of the rickety kid’s table with the prettiest little brick of a book she’s ever made. It’s about white knuckling it through a seemingly endless tour of The Abyss, and realizing that whatever doesn’t kill you, will eventually turn you on.

Small excerpt from Erika Lopez's new book - just a bite of the pie to make your mouth water for more more more....

When you're in agony and in between being drunk or stoned through the terrors, you clutch onto quotes like that kitty poster where it says "Hang in there!"

Quotes contradict each other. Some quotes save; some quotes kill. Sometimes they change or have expiration dates.

They tell you to follow your bliss, but that's all they say. They don't say that sometimes your bliss will turn on you and chain you to the back of a pickup truck and race through gravel quarries, leaving you like shredded human cheese.........

To purchase this and Erika's other books visit her online store at http://www.monstergirlmedia.com/store

(Please do not feed or tease the animals)

Femme IN-Visibility (Desire Vital) is proud to present the co-launch of S. Bear Bergman’s book, Butch Is A Noun and Ivan Coyote’s short story collection, Missed Her in a first ever Philadephia Show.

November 11, 2010

The William Way Community Center

Mark Segal Ballroom

1315 Spruce St. Philadelphia, PA 19107

Door open 7:30, Show 8:00

ticket $20 @ the door

Both artists are well known as Masterful storytellers and renowned performers. Coyote and Bergman bring their finely honed stage skills of pitch perfect timing to their live readings.

Following the incredible success of their 2008 sold-out tour, Endangered Species, the mammals are getting restless and are hitting the road again with tour stops planned for Toronto, Boston, New York, Brooklyn and Philadelphia.

About Ivan and Bear:

Ivan Coyote was born and raised in Whitehorse, Yukon Territory. An award-winning author of six collections of short stories, one novel, three CD’s, four short films and a renowned performer, Ivan’s first love is live storytelling, and over the last seventeen years she has become an audience favourite at music, poetry, spoken word and writer's festivals from Anchorage to Amsterdam. The Globe and Mail called Ivan "a natural-born storyteller" and Ottawa XPress said "Coyote is to CanLit what k.d. lang is to country music: a beautifully odd fixture."

www.ivanecoyote.com

Ivan Coyote - Ode to Femmes

Ivan Coyote - A Butch Roadmap

S. Bear Bergman is a writer, a theater artist, an instigator, a gender-jammer, and a good example of what happens when you overeducate a contrarian. Ze is the author of Butch is a Noun (Arsenal Pulp Press, 2010) and Lambda Literary Award-finalist The Nearest Exit May be Behind You (Arsenal Pulp Press, 2009). Bear is also the creator and performer of three award-winning solo performances, a frequent contributor to anthologies on all manner of topics and co-editor (with the fabulous Kate Bornstein) of the Gender Outlaws: The Next Generation (Seal Press, 2010).

www.sbearbergman.com

S. Bear - I know what Butch Is

S. Bear - Boxer Briefs

musings

coffee; smelling; my perfect nose; a bunch of dandies; heart of gold;Portland my old lover; cum; fat; queergrrls; glorious

Roley Poley; Honey tongued stoney; Mama's coming to spank a pony; sweet cinnamon stick; lick me, lick; take a dip in my sugar, trick

Lightening bolt;Daddy on a stick; apple pies;fleshy folds entwined; porky; podgy;bois in a bowl; are you ready Michigan?? i am killing myself...

Femmes entranced; queer boi danced; image makes a flickr glance; a trupet, a crumpet and sweet honey blanket; fly my pretty, clear crimson sky

If we could be Barbie dolls, I would change your clothes by the moment, taking delicate care to caress your plastic curves and paint your toes golden sunshine...

Slap! i feel your pain; hunger; mouth;scales; slap; you are my friend;slap;delicious hand movement; creation; i am your bitch; come

twice an angel; blended coffee; sweet couplings; tongue dancing; hand holding; suck my clit

sadness;depart;gone;hello;friendly subs;bubs smiling;warm my kidneys;hold you dear;dare;shoot a deer;pain;gone

It's all right to cry by Carol Hall

It's all right to cry
Crying gets the sad out of you
It's all right to cry
It might make you feel better

Raindrops from your eyes
Washing all the mad out of you
Raindrops from your eyes
It's gonna make you feel better

It's all right to feel things
Though the feelings may be strange
Feelings are such real things
And they change and change and change

Sad 'n' grumpy, down in the dumpy
Snuggly, hugly, mean 'n' ugly
Sloppy, slappy, hoppy, happy
Change and change and change

It's all right to know
Feelings come and feelings go
It's all right to cry
It might make you feel better

It's all right to cry, little boy
I know some big boys that cry too

My James Dean

Tikkun Ha'nefesh (repairing my soul)

I think that the calmer I get - the clearer I feel. All I focus now on is being authentically me in what truly moves me....Making decisions that empower me, rather then ones that are sacrificial in nature. The more I approach things with peaceful heart and determined truth - the happier and more control my environment gets. I am done with Drama - at least the kind I create myself. I consciously choose open and honest interactions and remain true to me.....and even when it seems as though I've done something for another - the end result is that it is my own truth to be kind and compassionate and therefore feeds my own soul.

humanity as a whole? well, my first step toward tikkun olam is to take care on my own garden, this will keep the weeds from spreading and infecting my neighbors garden.

Shame

I will not let you

shame me
The sorrows of your life
The atrocities that banished you
Into unforgiving places
Your reality is the darkness that I emerged from
Your reflection in the pool of muddy waters
Will not illuminate me
I reject your notion
I will not be ashamed of my body, nor my hair or my love
I am the product of your depression
I am the tool that broke your ground
You used me to build the family
Yet never acknowledged my sacrifice
I am my own vision
I will be apart
It is my hands that make my life
I am good from the very start
My heart breads no tarnished want
I am not ashamed any more

A question of + thoughts

When a friend comes to you with a problem, do you see the bright side of things or do you advise them of all the possible trauma, fatalities and negative scenarios?

How do you see the world - glass 1/2 full or glass 1/2 empty?

I recently watched some very negative energy circle a person I love. I'm not sure why I'm surprised, but I still am that so many people still are so afraid of taking a chance, refusing to allow themselves to experience connections, love and compassion. So many are still so embedded in negative thought patterns.

So that lead me to think about how do we keep ourselves thinking positively and the effects of such type of thought on our life journey and outcome of events.

Positive thinking promotes growth, expansion and success. A positive mind anticipates happiness, joy, health and a successful outcome of every situation and action. Positive and negative thinking are both contagious. All of us affect, in one way or another, the people we meet. This happens instinctively and on a subconscious level, through thoughts and feelings transference, and through body language. People sense our aura and are affected by our thoughts, and vice versa. Is it any wonder that we want to be around positive people and avoid negative ones? People are more disposed to help us if we are positive, and they dislike and avoid anyone broadcasting negativity.

Negative thoughts, words and attitude bring up negative and unhappy moods and actions. When the mind is negative, poisons are released into the blood, which cause more unhappiness and negativity. This is the way to failure, frustration and disappointment.

So at least for myself, I know that all I can do to make myself and my surroundings be positive, is just keep on thinking positively.

Enjoy and be +

Femme

I came out in the era of androgyny. The left over flavor of the 70's style feminism had infused the community with self hate, assimilation and shame. Lesbians in Philadelphia were lost in their need to be and not be seen. A queer community didn't exist, and most connections happened around a cocktail at the local dyke bar. Edges were rounded, politics were side swiped and so many had fallen into the arms of complacency. Butch was not a word uttered by anyone to describe themselves let alone claim it as an identity. Femme was not a word I ever heard and anyone manifesting outwardly femininity was called a Lipstick Lesbian. I was confused, bewildered and lost in a land of no words to describe, not only my attractions but my own identity. Several years will pass before I grow into my gender. I now utter HER name over and over again until she grows into a power of atomic magnitude that vibrates so powerfully that she's felt for millions of miles.

I am a Femme, A High Femme, A Power Femme. Unadulterated, unyielding, unwavering, unashamed, unabashed, unrelenting, Femme!

In the presence of heros

At the edge of cliffs

I sit with dangling feet

Wanting to jump into the abyss

I feel the wind lift my hair

and gently I lean to hear the sound

It calls to me softly

The pounding waves

Crash at my soul

I know that there are words

That I can claim my vision

I close my eyes tight

And leap into the air

To land amongst the fallen

I glide gently

And to my astonishment

I land softly

In the presence of Heros

Happy Earth Day

The Journey

There was a road
It touched the earth
A rougher journey
But smooth at birth

Delicately curving
The landscape learned
A jagged fern
Silk tether burned

It calls a cry
No place to turn
It rumbles through
The tainted yearn

I walk for miles
Through darkened alley
Inside the rocks
Of ancient valley

Drive through the great
Divided land
Bring sorrow to
A final end

Unbound

When I named my blog, Desire Unbound, there was so much emphasis in my life on moving away from co-dependency and dysfunction in what was and IS the most important and truest love I've ever known. Lessons, as many as grains of sand on the beach were flying through my conscious at lightning speed that at times I couldn't catch them and place them in my box of "life". They would hit me at any moment, in the shower, driving to work, making school lunch, etc.

I learned that love can't be caged in, that people project their biggest fears onto you in time of stress, that the power of love is so strong that it can endure anything, I learned that how you say things - tone, words, are so powerful that they can melt a person or scar them for life, I learned that I can and will survive anything and I'll do it with patience, caring, class and determination. I learned that I can't control what other's think about me and that it really only matters what I think of myself. I learned to never define myself by other's views and that in truth I am an amazing person, with value, strength, creativity and endurance. But, alas, this is just a miniscule amount of all the lessons I've learned this past year and 1/2.

So while I have needed to ensure that I am UNBOUND - It took me quite some time to unravel the bindings that I allowed myself to be in.

Side note: Desire has a fierce fetish to be physically bound ;-)

A moment

There is a moment
When the fog clears and the blue envelopes

There is a moment
When the sun warms again and the air is thick with knowing

There is a moment
When the hunger is no longer nagging
And the years wash over you in constant waves of haunting memories

There is a moment
When peace settles into your bones
And the ache of the catastrophies dull into the distance

There is a moment
When you learn that all the shattered pieces have merged
And the vessel is the life that you have built

There is a moment
And that moment is now

DV/hpr 7/16/2009

My inner bitch

I have always rejected this word - deeming myself too nice, too sweet, too caring to be a bitch. Recently I learned that being a bitch has empowered me. This persona has come out in time of need for self protection. My inner bitch has taught me that I am strong, powerful, self assure, self claiming of my needs and desires. I am a bitch sometimes, but i own it and therefore keep her under close watch.

Bitch

Accuse me of the crime
Ascribe me the time

Attack me with words
Your carp’s for the birds

You bemoan and bewail
I denounce this whole tale

I defy your definition
I reject your description

Deplorable, your accusation
I condemn your assertion

Matters not your fuss
There isn’t a plus

I have grieved my transgressions
I forgave my infractions

Your gripe is objection
Impute the direction

You can whimper and wallow
It just shows your sorrow

If my bitching offends
I throw up my hands

I remain as I stand
Willow on land

Melancholy

Melancholy…
the wind whispers
it's song penetrate my veins
licks at my hair
blinding my way

I lost my stand
On hollow ground
Harvest cant grow
My crop has failed
I turn the earth
To salvage my prayer

In times of turmoil
I sing to thee
There never was a place for me
The cracks beneath my feat
I drench with tears
Begging the rain
To fall with ease

My failed attempts
My comfort has vanished
Pierced your skin
and bound your heart
Perfection in pride
My anger releases
I travel to learn

The Answer's forgiven
To my self I lie
I must carry the burden
The truth I'm not ready
Today my mind is lightning
My heart is filled with thunder
The storm is foreboding
I carry my hunger

Beaten
defeated
I bow my head
Cris cross my core

I long to secure
My castle's walls
Free from silence
Is my final plea

A field of wild flowers

Recently I have had the misfortune to ban a facebook friend and member of my Femme In-visibility group for her very hateful posts against the transgendered community. This friend, who is a brilliant writer and painter of prose, is very much anti-transitioning as she feels it is born of misogyny and patriarchal values. I am writing this post to state my strong disagree with her views, and feel that her rhetoric is born of self- loathing. She claims that Butches must reach down and get in touch with the feminist inside which will enable them to not seek transitioning as an option or tool for coping with society's imposed hatred of women.

First I would like to address that IF (and that’s a very strong if) there is any basis in her claim that feminism is the answer to this “issue” (her words), how do you explain the systematic attacks and intended breakdown of self esteem of the butch and femme community by the very powerful and vocal Feminist community of the 1970s? Today’s Butches and Femmes continue to struggle to be seen and heard, to be counted and respected for our deep and strong historical roots. If you search Lesbian History from the very beginning, you will not find one picture or one document that shows a non Butch/Femme couple.

If one actually studies gender dysphoria and gender transition, it is clear that this is a medical issue that has to do with brains placed in mismatched bodies. It has nothing to do with women hating themselves. It has to do with men and women who want to live in bodies that fit. It's not about feminism, politics, or women-hating. It is impossible to place a political explanation onto a medical condition that for some is a matter of life or death and can finally be resolved, thanks to modern medicine and a more accepting and understanding world.

To continue addressing her argument, that lesbian butches need to embrace feminism and love themselves...

How do we discount our roots and history and still want to say we are feminists? Traditional feminism has wanted no part of butch-femme or our love. How do we claim that we are part of a thought process that has pushed us to the sidelines and has created so much self-hate and disconnection that many butches and femmes for years would not have even uttered the term butch/femme? The same analysis that she applies to condemn FTM's for surgically altering themselves in response to society's misogyny was used by 1970's Feminists to condemn lesbian Butches. I wonder if our loathing, our pain and suffering would have and could still be alleviated with simple acceptance…

………acceptance that we are a colorful Crayola box, a field of wild flowers that blanket the earth infusing it with an array of fragrances and visual delight. I don’t want every person to be like me, I want diversity because it is beautiful and magnificent. In an effort to find our place of belonging in this world, we so often isolate and push out those that are not exactly like us and that, in my view is the heart of it all.